I mean, I love my home, I love my family, but I am failing them on every front, and it is almost certain that we're losing this place ... and I have never wished to live anyplace else.
But, if the financial thing was stable, would I be so driven to HATE, so focused on genocide, so willing to see hundreds of millions of people die across the Muslim world? I don't know ... maybe the things which are driving me down into this personal armageddon are so hard to lay a finger on, that the very tangible Islamist threat is a handy stand-in ... maybe they are the target of so much of my rage, so much of my mental energry (thinking through ways of "removing the threat"), because that has simply stepped in to ground the unfocused plasma storm of my seething rage, anguish, and frustration.
I don't know. All I know is that emotionally, I want to see the fucking end of the world.