BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

So ...

I guess I've pretty much established that if I do a NaBloPoMo, I'll be posting in here (daily), and if I don't ... well, it's down to the book reviews when I get them written.

Frankly, I don't know which one is preferable.

Obviously, doing a NaBloPoMo requires my blocking out a chunk of time from my already over-stressed schedule, and (as you've no doubt noticed), I'm not always ready to roll with "interesting" material, so a lot of "filler" ends up in play.

If this was like "the old days" on L.J., I'd be exploring the darker backwaters of my psyche, but in my seemingly unending search for employment, I'm having to make it look like I'm some sort of "Shiny Happy People", despite all the realities of my existence.

I am so SICK of trying to put on a brave face and make like there's no problems. But, the reality is that I'm likely to be Googled (or more) by any potential employer, and the "conventional wisdom" among the job-search "authorities" is that they'd better not find anything "wrong" with you. You can't be injured. You can't be angry. You can't be desperate. You sure as hell can't be depressed.

Had this job search lasted 6-9 months (I was sure I'd have a job by 11/2009) putting on the happy face was not that much of an issue ... but since it's now running into its 27th month, I'm getting to the point where I don't know who I am ... I know the facade's a lie, but have gotten so used to "not mentioning" the stuff that lurks behind it that the REALITY surprises me when it seeps through the cracks.

Also, the clock keeps moving. While I have the perception of having another 30 functional years ahead of me, I'm suddenly finding myself to be the "oldest person in the room". Yesterday I was off to a breakfast event (Jason Fried, founder of 37Signals, and author of Rework was speaking) of the monthly "CreativeMornings/Chicago" series, which seems mainly targeted to folks at ad agencies, and I think I had a decade on everybody there. Then, last night, I headed down to the Printers' Ball which was packed with 20-somethings. It's hard to get any traction towards finding a role if 90% of the folks involved are disregarding you like you're part of the furniture!

Anyway ... figured I'd take advantage of LiveJournal being functional again (I'm very happy to have "preview" working!) to make a post.

Visit the BTRIPP home page!

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