Well, I wrote this yesterday morning ... but yesterday night was one of the more surreal through-the-looking-glass nightmares I've been through of late, which is, frankly, saying one hell of a lot. Sometimes I think that it HAS to be me ... that I must be INSANE since the odds against EVERYBODY around me all going fucking nuts at once seem to be a bit high ... but it at least SEEMS like I am this center point of calm (or at least morbid resignation) and everyone close to me is going psychotic. I don't know, I suppose that if I HAD gone "off the deep end", I probably wouldn't recognize it, would I? I mean, what are the odds that I would NEVER GET A FUCKING REPLY TO ANY GOD-DAMNED RESUMES I SEND OUT? Again, you would think I'd be at least getting those "eat shit and die, motherfucking loser, we'll stuff this in a file cabinet and then throw it out in a year" notes, but there is NOTHING. It seems like it's just me set within a swirling chaotic world full of freaked-out LUNATICS and evil, scheming, hateful functionaries ... a universe of Little Hitlers, who will not rest until I have been broken, destroyed, and eradicated. Again, yeah, I'm probably nuts ... everybody's probably just FINE around me, and there are fucking GOBLINS eating my faxed and mailed resumes before they get where they're sent.
THESE MANY FORMS OF DEATH
frozen hours embedded days we descend as if in Lucite a semblance of being, life but hard and dead unchanging, cold
there is no movement there is no growth we are locked into a cycle, almost sleep, a dull place, without action, a grey place which repeats frustration's tango ... try & fail, try & fail, try & fail
patterns warp but never change we are cursed to this, cast down to worlds too blind, too mundane; fated to be alien, to be exile, anathema to the shadow mass
we can find no place for us no niche, no role no way to be and at every turn the monster waits seeking to destroy everything we mean
I fear the future bears steeper declines and more brutal forms of degradation as all our truths are stripped away replaced by lies and dull conformance to the norm ... how much like death is that?