I never anticipated that "bad luck" would be a permanent state.
I never anticipated that having talent, skills, and ability, would mean NOTHING in "the real world".
I never anticipated losing everything I have worked for, everything that I've had, for the simple reason that the fucking mundane world won't have anything to do with me.
I never anticipated being so backed into a corner that even SUICIDE seems like a lost cause.
I never anticipated having to live through a never-ending nightmare.