BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

Dang ...

I'm very bummed I can't afford to go to this conference next weekend. I've not seen my old Shamanic teacher, Alberto Villoldo, in several years, and I was hoping I might be able to catch up with him there. However, even doing a "post-conference workshop" that he's involved in is more than I can swing, let alone a ticket to the whole thing. Hell, realistically, I'd be hard-pressed to afford the car rental to get out to f'n Lombard!

I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of Twilight Zone episode ... I can't get a job, we've burned through all our retirement and college funds, and I'm at the point where spending $3 on food at the 7-11 is a HUGE treat for me. Nothing I do moves us any closer to solvency. It's a nightmare that just doesn't end. I keep thinking that death would be a "merciful release" from what has become a decade or more of non-stop frustration, angst, and emotional agony.

It's gotten to the point where every day is a choice between the Gulag and a Catch-22 ... either I just keep TRYING to find a job (and what's the quote? "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.") or I do something "insane" to change the pattern. Either way, it's insanity. Hell, emotionally I feel more HOPEFUL about winning a lottery prize than I do in finding a job, and I know what the frick'n odds are for the lottery!

Sucks to be me ... and it has for a very, very, very long time. And I'm pretty sick of being in my skin.

{EDIT} - and, yes, I am aware of how nauseatingly ironic the title of the conference is in relation to all the above!

Visit the BTRIPP home page!

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.