BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,
BTRIPP
btripp

(sigh)

Over the past two hours I have run into five different things that have made me depressed and weepy ... music, pictures, and various things that have cycled me back into the more dire aspects of my "reality". It's like there's nothing in my environment that doesn't point to doom. This sucks.

I quit drinking over 26 years ago ... but this past week I've felt a level of desperation that has made me VERY VERY MUCH miss drinking. Back when I quit I largely drank so I never had to FEEL anything ... and I really am missing that these days.

I am such a failure that it's hard to even TRY any more. Nothing is going to eradicate the past decade of declining finances, and at this point I can't see anything saving our home. I always hated the holidays, but they've become especially grim for me because I can't provide anything for my kids.

It would have been better for me to have drank myself to death in my 20's ... that's what all the "smart money" was on anyway, that's for sure.


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