Here's another book that came my way via the LibraryThing.com “Early Reviewer” program … and in this case, it's actually early, with a publication date still a couple of weeks off at this writing. This was a pretty classic case of my requesting a book (the process of the LTER program is that each month there's a list of books that publishers have made available, and you “request” ones you think you'd like to read/review … I typically have 3-5 “requests” in each month, and it's up to the “Almighty Algorithm” – picture a Deep Thought for books – to make the best match for a title to a user's LT collection) that “looked interesting” but I didn't have a burning desire to read. It's a bit more focused than the serendipity of the dollar store, but not much. I go into the preceding to sort of plead my case on not really interfacing with Andy Molinsky, Ph.D.'s Reach: A New Strategy to Help You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Rise to the Challenge and Build Confidence particularly well. I have one lonely little slip of paper in this, and, frankly, when I dragged it out for reviewing, I had nearly zero recall of anything from it. Flipping through the book did bring bits back to mind, but also suggested to me why this didn't particularly stick with me … it's heavy on the “people stories” (à la: “Annie knew that if she wanted to succeed at her job – especially in a male-dominated industry like finance, she had to learn to stand up for herself.”), which are rarely the way to get information into my head. However, there is quite a lot of valuable (and once it's dredged out of the “story” context, actionable) material here, so I'm going to try to flog that out for you in the following.Now, my first thought for doing this would be to simply reproduce the Part, Chapter, and section headings from the book, which would provide a pretty cogent walk-through of what's in here – but that would sort of just be reverse-engineering Molinsky's book outline … which seems like not making a sufficient effort to convey the essence of the book. The author sets things up in the introduction:
As one might suspect, those descriptions are based on people profiled in the book (whether or not they're “real” people – the stories are heavy on personal reaction and low on detail), which didn't really work for me, as I found the more “abstract” or theoretical material here far more useful, such as:In an ideal world, no one would have to reach beyond their comfort zone to succeed at work, and all the tasks and responsibilities we need to perform would fit perfectly with our personalities. …
But unfortunately, this is not usually the case. Conflict-avoidant managers often need to embrace conflict – or at least learn to tolerate it. Timid entrepreneurs need to be able to pitch and promote themselves and their ideas … introverts need to network … self-conscious executives need to deliver speeches … and people pleasers need to deliver bad news. You get the idea. {ellipses in the second paragraph in the original}
He identifies these challenges as The Authenticity Challenge, “which occurs when acting outside your comfort zone feels fake, foreign, and false” or “the feeling "This isn't me at all" and the distress that results from that feeling”, The Likeability Challenge, which “occurs when, as a result of the behavioral stretch you have to make, you fear others won't like you” or “the sense that doing this will "make people not like me," and the worry that results from that perception”, The Competence Challenge, which “occurs when you feel you don't actually have the skills or knowledge to perform the new task successfully” or “the feeling of "I'm not good at this behavior and it's obvious to others," along with corresponding feelings of embarrassment and, perhaps, shame”, The Resentment Challenge, which “happens when you feel frustrated and annoyed that you have to adapt behavior in the first place” or “the strong sense that you "shouldn't be doing this behavior" in the first place, and the frustration and anger that results from that feeling”, and The Morality Challenge, “the feeling – logical or illogical – that when stretching your behavior, you will feel inappropriate or perhaps even unethical” or “the feeling that the behavior isn't something you "should be doing," and the anxiety and guilt that can result from that sense”. There is a section for each of these with stories about people facing the various challenges in business settings, and then a part where he goes over the emotions involved (this is a real good example of an author doing the “tell them what you're going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you just told them” template).We often feel overwhelmed – sometimes even hopeless – when having to act outside our comfort zones. But the reality is that we face a set of very predictable and identifiable set of challenges – and we can overcome these challenges … This book will explain why it's so hard to act outside your comfort zone and help you develop the courage and ability to flex your behavior with success.
The second chapter is “Our Amazing Capacity to Avoid”, which sketches out four typical “tactics” of avoidance: Tactic #1: Full-On Avoidance, Tactic #2: Do the Task, but Only Partway – and Not So Well, Tactic #3: Procrastinate, and Tactic #4: Pass the Buck … which lead into what he calls “A Vicious Cycle of Avoidance”. This is sketched out with a “story” of being afraid of snakes, but not something I'm going to be able to extract a coherent statement on, short of scanning the snake-less flow chart.
This brings us to Part II – How to Successfully Reach Outside Your Comfort Zone, which presents “three critical resources for behavior flexing”. These are: “Conviction: The Critical Importance of Having a Deep Sense of Purpose”, “Customization: Finding Your Own Personal Way of Performing the Task” (which includes “customize the words you use”, “customize your body language”, “customize the timing”, “use props”, and “customize the context”), and “Clarity: The Power of Honest Perspective”. Interestingly, this latter chapter has a great deal of very direct and applicable material – it also largely “steps away” (that's one of the sections, heh) from having the information totally embedded in the “people stories”. This is the place which got my bookmark, in the section “Refer to Yourself in the Third Person”, which reports on research that indicates:
The effect of “these slight changes in perspective and language” goes right down to the brainwave … with test subjects who used the 3rd person having brain scans more like control cases than those using “first-person personal pronouns”.When we engage in "self-talk," especially in stressful and difficult situations, we gain confidence and clarity simply from the slight psychological detachment of referring to ourselves in the third person.
The rest of Part II is sort of rah-rah stuff on “The Surprising Benefits of Taking a Leap”, with a couple of “discoveries” leading into a “positive cycle” that mirrors the flow chart of the earlier “vicious cycle”. Again, the info here is all interwoven in these stories, to the extent that I find it hard to even begin to extract it (do you want pages of trying to explain who the characters are, what their situations are, what they're feeling, yadda, yadda, yadda? If so, I guess you should read the book).
Part III is “How to Make Your New Behavior Stick”, and the first chapter is “Building Resilience”. This has three “Resources” #1: A Thoughtful and Effective Practice Routine (with three sections of interesting ideas, unfortunately buried in “stories”), #2: A Mind-set That Supports Learning and Experimentation (with two sub-sections), and #3: A Healthy Support System. The second chapter here is “The Myths and Realities” which addresses five “myths” and counters them with what the author holds are “realities”.
The book gets somewhat redeemed in Part IV, “Practical Tools”, which has assessments and forms to pull out your own particulars related to the various elements in the book. Obviously, I would have vastly preferred a book that had plainly laid out the concepts involved and then moved into this “Applying Reach to Your Own Life” part than having to go through the endless “who cares?” reactions that I was having while plowing through all the “Lily did this, Lucy did that, Linda felt this other stuff” bulk of the book. But, admittedly, I'm a curmudgeonly misanthrope with a tin ear for “teaching stories”, and I suspect that at least 90% of other potential readers would find this substantially less frustrating than I did.
As mentioned, Reach isn't out quite yet, so if this sounds like something you'd be amenable to (hey, some people actually enjoy reading fiction, and this half way there – “takes all types to fill the freeway”, I guess), you could either order from the on-line big boys, or show up at your local brick & mortar book vendor looking for this when it's due on 1/24. For me, it had a lot of interesting concepts that were being totally obscured by the “stories about people whom I couldn't care less about” format … a real shame, as a straight-forward book about this topic could be both fascinating and more useful that this one.
