Woke up full-on into the hopeless/pointless/aimless/useless mode. Had a therapist appointment, figured that might help, but no. Rather that trying to nudge me out of said mood, she was being somewhat confrontational about why I don't change - asking "what do you gain from these states?".
Frankly, I don't think I gain anything ... but they're the result of failure after failure after failure ... to the extent that I end up beaten down so far that it becomes clear to me that trying to do anything is just to invite another pummeling by the universe. Anything positive seems a lie, and so I'd have to do some serious mental convolutions to even begin to try to envision positive mind sets.
I was in such a funk that I pretty much slept all afternoon ... not one of my typical responses
I managed to get up by 9pm and head out to a 10pm meeting down a NTAC, however. Spoke with another regular afterwards, and were exchanging book recommendations with him. The one he was strongly suggesting to me I know I have ... in the storage locker ... in one of the "to be read" boxes ... requiring a bit of a road trip to get my hands on ... if it wasn't 1300 pages long, I might get one from Amazon, but there are not "cheap" cheap options for it.
Anyway ... not the best of days.