BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

I feel like shit ...

I feel like a huge sack of shit today (no, that's not on my Amazon wish list ...), and it's all psychological. I woke up struggling with the damn Health Club from Hell (the one that I've beent rying to quit for years that still charges my credit card) this morning, and then spiralled down into dumping on myself for OTHER shit that is so damn fucking pitiful that I don't even want to talk about it (OK ... stuff like not having been "able to" get my phone messages from the Eschaton voice mail line in over THREE MONTHS ... I might as well be asked to swim across Lake Michigan as to pick up that phone) ... no wonder I never sleep, it gets around my denial.

I had a full-out hyperventillating panic attack this morning when I was trying to get The Girls ready to go to Church ... The Wife was already up there for a meeting ... and there were too damn many things hanging over my head. I eventually just threw in the towel on the Chuch concept, set The Girls up with a video and tried to figure out what to do with myself ... I started printing (and folding and separating) new business cards I'll need for a mailing I want to do ... but I figured I needed to be out of the office to make sure The Girls didn't destroy the house or each other.

On the postive side ... I was able to fix the problem we were having with the antenna system ... before last night we had thought it was in the buiding wiring, but I found out it was in our unit ... I had to drag out a 3-part wall unit and completely re-wire the coax for the livingroom/kitchen feed, but I got it done and it works now. Small victories, manual labor, no further from the abyss, but it kept me from committing hara-kiri with the big serrated bread knife, which was looking like an attractive option this morning.

Oh, and The Bears won ... winning the NFC Central. The Bears know when I am in psychological trouble ... the year I quit drinking they went 15-1 and won the Super Bowl. Maybe they'll do that again to keep me alive!

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