I was hoping/planning on going back to cranking out poetry this month ... I used to write 250 pieces a year (about 21 a month), year in year out, but stopped a year or so ago since I found that I was pretty much writing the same poem over and over and over again, shuffling the same words to express the same desperate panic. I figured that putting these feelings of impending doom, abysmal failure, and utter lack of worth, into tangible form was only making them more concrete, so took the rather extreme step (for me) of just STOPPING.
I have a very particular sort of poety ... most of it is based on reaching into my guts and pulling up a "snapshot" of inner spiritual/emotional states and then forcing words to reach some approximation of that reality (some on-line examples can be found here, here, and here). Unfortunately, I discovered that when I recently tried reaching into that place, all I was finding was that same anguished terror-laden angst as before ... leaving me with the unfortunate choice of either going back to writing the same damn poem again, or FAILING again by not writing as planned. This really sucks.
Speaking of failing ... how come none of you out there in LiveJournal land seem to want to play the Rexall game with me? I can't believe that I'm the ONLY person in this neck of the cyber woods that can SEE what a super thing this is ... especially in view of the new "easy to do" comp plan. Heavy sigh.
Bleh ... maybe I can change my approach and just WALLOW in the fucking angst for a few months. I certainly have enough rage, hate, and self-loathing stored up to spew out several hundred poems ... not that anybody would give a damn about reading them.
- Brendan