BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,


Yes, you may have noticed the extreme paucity of posts this week. Well, part of that is due to having quite a lot of homework to plow through every night, but I think a lot of this had to do with the Effexor. I have been butt dragging since I started taking that last week, and despite getting at least as much sleep as I usually do (actually, I have been getting more, having been very diligent on dragging my ass to bed right around midnight so as to not be overly agonized over that 6am alarm), I have felt like I've been trying to survive on 1-2 hours of sleep a night. Well, last night I could hardly keep my eyes open and fell asleep in the living room whilst in the midst of doing my class reading. The Wife discovered me there somewhere around 1am and dragged me off to bed. In the process, I neglected to take my Effexor. This was the FIRST night since I had been taking it that I actually slept through, rather than getting up every 2 hours. I felt like a new man this morning. I don't know what it was about that drug, but it was like I was NOT SLEEPING at all, even though I was asleep. Needless to say, I'm not going to take any more of it, and it's back to square one with the shrink next week. I'm NOT looking forward to playing "side effect roulette" (especially after that first day's experience on Effexor) with new drugs, but this one was not working out.

Anyway, aside from all that, I'm finding that my "free time" has been quite limited. I have about 2 hours between when I get home from school and when I need to pick up The Girls, who I then have for about 2-3 hours before their mom gets home. I then have maybe another 2 hours before dinner, and another 2 hours after ... barely enough time to get through my school stuff. Anyway, I have not had much writing time available, although there is a poem here, down behind that LJ-cut thing. Do click on it! More is, of course, off lurking at ...

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                    backwards structure
                    no escape
                    caught up in cycles
                    with no control
                    unable to direct
                    unable to attain
                    buffeted and vectored
                    only by outsides

                    these systems disallow
                    all forms of intent
                    they scramble the borders
                    and make these walls vague
                    we can not progress here
                    on familiar lines
                    each leading to chaos
                    and down to decline

                    inner functions are destroyed
                    by negotiated terms
                    the outer world has hidden
                    mines upon this plane
                    priming us for failure
                    assuring our decay
                    to viler status
                    modes of death

                    can we upturn
                    the status framed
                    by these decisions?
                    can we slip out
                    of these chains,
                    this dungeon?
                    what is the cost
                    involved in freeing?

                    I have no better option
                    which answers here,
                    I have no clearer path
                    than this one now;
                    despite the outer world's
                    vile treachery,
                    I see no other way
                    than through those gates

                             - Brendan Tripp

                    Copyright © 2002 by Brendan Tripp

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