Man ... these days have really sucked. Before I started taking these drugs, I was not typically depressed, just a freak-out waiting to happen around some stuff (financial stuff, primarily) ... but I have recently been getting big dips in my mood, into that "oh, fuck, what's the use?" territory. I had to miss the meeting with the shrink earlier this week since I was having to deal with The Girls AND getting my mom home from the hospital that day, but when he gets back from vacation I think I need to talk to him about upping the dose or something. Of course, The Wife suggested that maybe the cold meds I've been taking to try to keep my shit together enough to make it into class each morning might be screwing around with the Celexa. Could be. Shit ... I used to LIKE drugs ... now I don't even want to see a fucking pill. Ack ... to paraphrase an old SCTV skit ... "WRITE ANOTHER POEM!!!!!" ...
SINKING SPINNING STATES
only the markings the inscribed lines remain, are real, the hopeless scrapings of hands on stone to scratch some trace of having been within this here
no other realm comes to call beyond this boundary too little substance is allowed to give a tracing a way to be one with such pasts
so much devolves here so much decays we slough off facets in decomposition replacing nothing all is loss all is rot all descent
we hurtle downward without control nothing to stop nothing to slow this fast decline no other vector offers here no alternative to death
we see no growth only dissolution we see nothing build only collapse we see no tomorrow which would bear hope only sinking spinning down to abased states