BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

I'm pissed off. I'm feeling hurt. I'm extremely frustrated.
AND I'm feeling bad about feeling these things. Damn. This sucks.

As anybody who's bothered to read this stuff knows, I'm an IBO (Independent Business Owner) with R.S.I. (Rexall Showcase International). The RSI National Conference is coming up next month in Long Beach, CA and I've been pretty eager about attending it, considering all the exciting changes which have been happening (most of which I'm still trying to processs). I'd done some good research to find extremely low fares, hotel rooms, etc. and was feeling pretty pleased with myself but, fortunately, had not "pulled the trigger" on buying/reserving these.

This is because I'm not going.

My Mom, who was scheduled to have back surgery on Monday 7/10 (but, after we got her in to the hospital, all hooked up to IVs and ready for surgery, was told to go home because they didn't want to operate on her with the last bits of this summer cold ... occasional hacking cough ... hanging on), has just had the surgery re-scheduled for Monday 8/14 ... two days before I was scheduled to leave.


Theoretically, the docs were too booked up to get it scheduled any earlier (7/31 or 8/7 would have been just FINE for me), and because of the donated blood and the x-rays and all of that stuff (which seem to have an expiration date) it couldn't be any later that 8/15 (so doing it on 8/21 was out ... unless my Mom was willing to go through all those pre-op appointments again). So, we're stuck with 8/14. Now, some have argued that I could still fly out late on the 16th and get back the night of the 19th, but it seems that this would be setting me up for some really unpleasant schedule complications (I don't want to have to get called out of the convention center to have to jump on a plane home for an emergency), so I'm not going.

And I am really feeling fucking MISERABLE about it.

I probably would be feeling less HURT about this if it wasn't that The Wife and her obstetrician picked the weekend of this February's National Conference (they've been twice a year, but are now going to be just annual) for doing the inducing (and eventual c-section) on Daughter #2 (who was not "officially" due for two more weeks).

So, here I am feeling like a SELFISH BASTARD because I really WANT to go to these National Conferences where I will LEARN how to better run the only business I have that has a prayer of making any money ... it's not like these were fucking PLEASURE trips ... the February conference was all about the new web presence and this August's one is getting everybody on the same page about all the huge changes which have gone down over the past few months. I still feel like I'm 'catching up" for having missed the February meeting ... and I feel like I'm digging myself a big fucking hole by missing this one too.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

Every fucking time I try to DO something which will be a benefit to me and mine, the fucking UNIVERSE comes along and slaps me down. Damn it all to hell.
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