Well ... I got in to see the doctor who told me that I didn't have pneumonia (or at least didn't still have it), and he gave me some antibiotics to clean up the rest of the mess in my chest. I was in such a fog yesterday ... I think it has to do with the Celexa ... I need to get into taking that at a regular time ... I've missed it once or twice and wake up all stupid (which sure as hell didn't help in class yesterday ... I wasn't able to remember anything). Frankly, I think I need a bigger dosage since it has been a bit of a roller coaster with big dips into really dark hopeless depression when I've gone more than 24 hours without one (which, of course, really sucks, since I hadn't been HAVING depressive episodes like that before taking this stuff ... I was looking for something to fight off the anxiety attacks). Anyway, I seem to be "on a tear" on writing this week, so have a few more here.
TO STIR THE SPIRIT DARKLY
now every cycle brings an end and every motion triggers pain and every action twists this web of vile demand into a shroud
how can one escape these binding fibers? how can one untie the crushing bands that seal one's life into that world, that falser world that would destroy?
what path brings disengagement from the agreements of a race too blind, too stupid, too much asleep to ever see the truth? what path leads free from the mundane state and back into the light?
we are so lost we have fallen so far into debasing zones we have been cast into pits of torment down from communion with the gods
only darkness seems to offer some form of solace, some mode of care, only rage and hate and violence yet stir the spirit beyond this grey