BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

... and one more

The shrink yesterday doubled the dosage fo Celexa he has me on, since I was "rollercoastering" a bit on the initial dosage. You would think that maybe my outlook would be cheerier on more drugs. I guess the "place where I write from" is not the same place as the drugs work. Lord knows, that inner wound hasn't gotten any better with my submitting to being medicated. Here's today's bit of sunshine ... a lot more are available off at the archive ... ... but you knew that already (and just didn't give a fuck).

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                    FIRST PERSON FORLORN

                    the cell of the heart,
                    the pit of the soul,
                    how to describe
                    this darkness,
                    this lowness?
                    we are so damaged,
                    captured and chained,
                    pressed into nadirs

                    I wish I could hope
                    I wish I could pray
                    or believe that prayer
                    invited anything
                    but mockery,
                    cruel angelic laughs;
                    I wish I could feel
                    other than torment

                    all these things
                    of the outer world
                    arrive as weapons
                    when reaching here,
                    the phone, the mail,
                    all honed to blades,
                    to eviscerate,
                    to disembowel

                    but our defeats
                    don't bring an end
                    to all this torture;
                    no matter how broken,
                    how badly beaten,
                    how willing to release we are,
                    wave after wave
                    of crushing blasts still come

                    when does it end?
                    when will that world
                    realize it's won
                    and leave us here
                    to bleed in isolation,
                    slowly sinking down to death?
                    when will we be at peace
                    away from mundane fiends?

                             - Brendan Tripp

                    Copyright © 2002 by Brendan Tripp

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