BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

You probably wouldn't want to know ... 1 of 5

Well, the good news is that I got another 20 poems done this month (putting me well ahead of target for the year ... which helps) ... the bad news is, of course, that I got another 20 of MY poems done ... so they're just the record of "my struggles" which probably nobody cares to read. I'm feeling like SHIT of late, emotionally, and there are SO DAMN MANY things that are slipping away ... I just can't keep up with ANYTHING anymore. I've at least been able to put my focus on the school stuff, but I have this dark shadow deep in my gut that tells me it's just more effort for nothing ... that I'll get out of this with a huge chunk of debt and no fucking job and no fucking hope. Other than that things are lovely. As you can see from the title here ... four more of these are to follow.

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                    CRAWLING DEEPLY INSIDE

                    too much confusion,
                    I am swept under
                    by killing tides,
                    unable to connect
                    with form or data,
                    place or function,
                    grid or structure
                    in this world

                    the madness spreads,
                    moment to moment;
                    we are attacked
                    from all sides at once,
                    there is no respite,
                    there is no rest,
                    battle to battle,
                    abuse to abuse

                    only in delusion,
                    crawling deeply inside,
                    can we find shelter;
                    but what use is it,
                    hunkered down and twisted,
                    buried in some corner
                    we have gnawed out
                    from our living guts?

                    only when we can't see
                    the world can we stand it,
                    only it its absence
                    can we feel safe;
                    are there means anywhere
                    for opting out
                    of the mundane
                    and this human state?

                    there are none here
                    who would not gladly
                    raise a hand to strike
                    or wield the well-honed lie
                    against me or my kind,
                    there are none able
                    to choose our light
                    over the common dream

                             - Brendan Tripp

                    Copyright © 2002 by Brendan Tripp

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