Well, the good news is that I got another 20 poems done this month (putting me well ahead of target for the year ... which helps) ... the bad news is, of course, that I got another 20 of MY poems done ... so they're just the record of "my struggles" which probably nobody cares to read. I'm feeling like SHIT of late, emotionally, and there are SO DAMN MANY things that are slipping away ... I just can't keep up with ANYTHING anymore. I've at least been able to put my focus on the school stuff, but I have this dark shadow deep in my gut that tells me it's just more effort for nothing ... that I'll get out of this with a huge chunk of debt and no fucking job and no fucking hope. Other than that things are lovely. As you can see from the title here ... four more of these are to follow.
CRAWLING DEEPLY INSIDE
too much confusion, I am swept under by killing tides, unable to connect with form or data, place or function, grid or structure in this world
the madness spreads, moment to moment; we are attacked from all sides at once, there is no respite, there is no rest, battle to battle, abuse to abuse
only in delusion, crawling deeply inside, can we find shelter; but what use is it, hunkered down and twisted, buried in some corner we have gnawed out from our living guts?
only when we can't see the world can we stand it, only it its absence can we feel safe; are there means anywhere for opting out of the mundane and this human state?
there are none here who would not gladly raise a hand to strike or wield the well-honed lie against me or my kind, there are none able to choose our light over the common dream
