April 5th, 2001

Loon

Oh, yeah ... and then there's this ...

Another "lost day" as far as work was concerned. We let Daughter #1 stay home from school (she's been getting home too late to make it to the dojo for her martial arts classes, so we've been doing this a bit on Wednesdays), and I took her to the early show of Spy Kids. Unfortunately, the PG rating was pretty well targeted ... she's 5 and was FREAKING OUT by half-way through the movie. I could never quite pry out of her what specifically was bugging her (there was nothing overtly SCARY about it ... but lots of "trust issues" and "identity issues" that would make a Freudian happy), but about an hour in to it she wanted OUT. Which is too bad, since I was quite enjoying the film.

I had been planning on dragging her up to the church while I installed the web site (fucking AT&T won't allow remote FTP for their i495 plan ... you HAVE TO be on the computer with the damn ad-frame program running), but she was wanting to go home and watch "safe" videos, so I blew that off for later this week. I'll post a link up here when I finally get that up and running ... it really is a very nice little site, if I do say so myself.

I was, however, able to get her to go to her dojo class (I was a bit worried at first), which was good, since she got the third stripe on her belt today. Her little friend there must be about a month ahead of her (although Daughter #1 is much better at everything in the class at this point) and got her next belt today. I hope #1 stays focused on this ... she's very good at it, and it's a nice combination of physical fitness and mental discipline ... and the whole "working for the next belt" thing is great to keep her attention.

Anyway, wrote this today ... no, I'm not in a very good place emotionally these days.


                    DASHED ON JAGGED DAYS


                    disjointed
                    diseased
                    disoriented
                    dismayed
                    caught in a flow
                    dragging down
                    stuck in a mode
                    of decay

                    nothing achieved
                    means anything
                    everything failed
                    always counts
                    the negative mass
                    forever outweighs
                    the meager feather
                    of the light

                    oh, so broken,
                    oh, so bent
                    by accumulated pain
                    no rest comes
                    no ease
                    no chance to heal
                    no way to gain
                    in this world of loss

                    darkness folds
                    all points to one
                    creasing time
                    into convoluted states
                    unable to be mapped
                    or traced in motion
                    we are lost in this
                    removed from every joy

                    no hope here
                    no love
                    we stand exiled
                    from every comfort
                    not even certain
                    where center is
                    to know where pain
                    resides within



                             - Brendan Tripp
                                04/04/2001

                    Copyright © 2001 by Brendan Tripp
 
 



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Doom

ack ... what a day

Man ... ended up spending 4 hours up at the church working on the web site. When I hooked them up with AT&T's i495 plan (to save money ... just $4.95/month for dial-up and hosting) I was not clued in to the fact that you can't MANAGE any of that unless you're on the computer with their software. So, I can't FTP, I can't tweak the e-mail (heck, right now I can't even READ the e-mail, although I supposedly should be able to access it remotely), etc. Anyway, the site's up ... it's not very impressive yet (and a lot of it is now way out of date ... I did most of this back in November ... and now I can only update things when I can get up there), but it's HERE. We're getting a couple of domains set up for that now, which will pretty much just re-direct there.

The Wife was up there today for an Education Committee meeting ... every time she gets out of the house and talks to folks she gets a bug about MOVING. I dont' want to move, Daughter #1 doesn't want to move, but The Wife seems to think "the grass is greener" anywhere else. I wish I could make her see that this is just continuing pathology on her part ... before we got married she never lived any place longer than about 18 months (the joke was "move when the windows get dirty") and she's so doped up with anti-depressants that I don't think she KNOWS what she wants ... it's just reactive "me uncomfortable ... me want to not be uncomfortable ... me here ... this must be uncomfortable place ... me want to move". Part of the problem is that she grew up in the suburbs and has NO "mental image" of kids growing up in the city ... hell, when I was Daughter #1's age we were living in an aparment on 79th Street on the Upper East Side of Manhattan ... growing up in city is ALL that I know. Something tells me we might "reach a compromise" where SHE MOVES ... right now I refuse to even listen ... we paid off our mortgage, so our monthly costs are just the assessment and taxes ... ALL our other costs are going to stay relatively constant (life insurance, health insurance, etc.) no matter where we go ... and unless we move to BUTT FUCK EGYPT our housing costs are going to double if not triple. Where does she get off thinking it would be "better"? Damn ... I wish I could get a hold of her psychiatrist and get her on some SENSIBILITY pills! Right now she wants to move out to an area on the NorthWest side where you can still find 3-6 flats for 2-3 hundred grand. Yeah? But what about the schools? We are a half a block away from an International Baccalaureate program grade school. Our house is PAID FOR. We live in the BEST PART OF THE CITY. What is the problem? Oh, yeah, if she wasn't spending money like a drunken sailor every time she got nervous, maybe we wouldn't be seeing $5,000/month credit card bills .... but NOOOOOO .... it's ME and where we live ... If we just MOVED somewhere, it would all be OK. Oh, shut up bitch and drink another fucking bottle of chardonnay!


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Loon

as to that last post ....

Needless to say, I am sufficiently SURE that The Wife cares so little about what I think, feel, or say, that she'll never bother looking in here ... every quarter I rather ceremoniously give her a copy of Eschaton's The Terminal Journal (our little literary rag), and she NEVER even looks at it. Never. I'll refer to something "important" from it and she'll be all blank stares, not even apologizing for not bothering to read it.

If it's something that I'm bleeding over she just doesn't fucking care ... so I'm 100% sure she'll never bother to look at THIS.


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Loon

Just testing something ...

Hey ... working on a few things here ... I thought the speaker picture (linking out to a RealAudio file) in the thing a few posts ago was still "too big", so I've worked up a smaller one, which I'm testing here to see how it "feels". By the way ... this one links out to a little 5-minute over-view of the whole RSI/Unicity program. This thing is just rolling like crazy ... although things have been SO CHAOTIC over the past year or so ... by the time the dust settles at the National Conference this August (down in Orlando ... do you think Daughter #1 is happy about that?) this should be the hottest thing going. Click the speaker and listen to Todd Smith's little spiel ... it's worth the time.
Click here to listen!


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Loon

Minneapolis folks ...

Hey, I'm going to be up there the weekend of April 20-22 for the Unicity "Rolling Launch" (there are 8 regional meetings instead of one national meeting this spring) meeting there. Unfortunately, the conference is going to actually be in Bloomington (down at the Radisson Hotel South ... although I'm saving some $$$ by staying across the street at the "Select Inn"), so I'm probably going to be quite a "fur piece" from most of you.

Anyway, due to the funky flights that I ended up with, I'm going to have quite a bit of time to kill. I get in at 9:15am on Friday, and the conference program doesn't start till 7:00pm, so I'll have pretty much all day on Friday, and then the meeting breaks on Saturday at 4:00pm, and I don't have anything to do (well, sleep is always an option) until my insanely-early-in-the-morning flight at 7:00am on Sunday.

So, if any of you Mps/StP folks have had an itch to meet me "IRL" ... I'm going to be open to suggestions. I will not, however, have wheels, so this will need to be figured into the equation!


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