May 16th, 2001


OK ... so late with these ...

OK ... I mentioned that I had some poems left from last weekend ... I actually had hoped that I would have had four or five done, but that didn't happen. Actually, all of last weekend was pretty fucked. The Wife took The Girls with her to visit her sister for the weekend, both to celebrate said sister's 50th b-day, plus to "clear the decks" to let me get into the "Weekend Crash Course in C++". They left mid-day on Thrusday and were to return Sunday evening.

Well, I geared up to start this with the "Friday evening" part on Thursday ... started out OK .. then hit Chapter 2 where it tells me that I need to install MS Visual C++ for that chapter. NOWHERE up till then does it mention needing this ... and so there I was at 7pm trying to lay my hands on a copy of this. The "usual suspects", CompUSA down by me and Best Buy one el stop away, were both out of it, CDW's downtown location had already closed, and so I had to troop up to MicroCenter (involving an El ride, transferring to a bus, and then waking 5-6 blocks ... and then reversing this procedrue). So, I eventually get the program, get it home, get it installed, and get back to the "crash course" ... only now it's about 1am.

I find that this course, which is supposed to take 15 hours (30 half hour segments) was taking me MUCH longer. There were some segments that I just did not "get" ... which would have me stuck there for 3-4 hours trying to figure out what the FUCK they were talking about. I also had a problem with some of THEIR programs not compiling ... and coming up with error messages not anything like the ones discussed in the book. By the time Sunday (Mother's Day) rolled around, I was not quite half done. Now, some sections made perfect sense and I just rolled through them ... and all the programs that I actually had to write worked fine, but I was WAY frustrated by that time. I still need to get back to this.

Anyway, while trying to concentrate on the course, I still needed to get stuff done for Mothers Day ... and OF COURSE, everythign I tried to get done was fucked up ... I needed to get prints done, scheduled some time for that, then discovered the places I went didn't have the print machines that will take film/slides ... so had to re-schedule ... the place where I was getting my Mom her gift was out of it ... and I ended up having to re-schedule a junket to go get that ... all of this re-scheduling ended up for "first thing in the morning", which had me groggy (and falling asleep at the keyboard) most of the weekend. Anyway ... except for a couple of El rides (where I wasn't asleep), I didn't get a chance to write anything but these two poems ... here's #1 ...

                    STUCK BEFORE THE STORM

                    distorted day
                    seen through mirrors
                    twisted, inverted
                    what would appear
                    as break or ease
                    are seen in truth
                    as different grinds
                    alternate exertions

                    we are unchanged
                    and apprehensive
                    unable to synch
                    with newer plans
                    we only hope
                    that currents sweep us
                    into the pattern
                    we would achieve

                    how strange to take
                    these hours silent
                    so un-used
                    to solo ways
                    so many lures
                    so unproductive
                    would derail
                    intention's frame

                    somehow adrift
                    despite these schedules
                    somehow unsure
                    of what and when
                    so unprepared
                    amidst this planning
                    so unconvinced
                    this path is sane

                    then we ask
                    are hours wasted
                    and we worry
                    are we too late
                    and we dread
                    te direr answer
                    and we pray
                    the nightmare ends

                             - Brendan Tripp

                    Copyright © 2001 by Brendan Tripp

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Here's the other ...

Well, as it turned out, at least Mother's Day worked out OK ... took my Mom out for brunch at one of her favorite fancy places, got to schmooze with the chef a bit, she said how nice it was just having me there for a change (not that she isn't crazy for her grandkids) ... then I got her home, ducked up to my place to change clothes, and high-tailed it down to Midway to pick up The Wife and The Girls. They were pretty shell-shocked from their whirl-wind weekend (Thursday with an old High School friend of The Wife's, Friday with my sister-in-law, Saturday with my father-in-law and various assorted relatives, etc.) and they were happy to get back. I hadn't gotten any particular thing for The Wife for Mothers Day (the trip was her gift), but had The Girls present her with new framed pics of them. She seemed happy.

Anyway, this was written in the aftermath of realizing that I had just had my butt kicked by the "weekend crash course", and I was feeling like a stupid, incompetent, jackass piece of shit. Which is, of course, in my reality, never very far from the truth.

                    NEW DEPTHS OF FAILURE

                    so many intents
                    fallen useless
                    so many desires
                    gone unmet
                    we drive within
                    some are given
                    some surprise

                    we are ever alien
                    never being able
                    to extract of days
                    what common people have
                    never able to make
                    a cycle start
                    a vision gel
                    within this world

                    no belief
                    remains here
                    no seed of hope
                    awaits new day
                    we are stuck
                    in this descent
                    no way to pull us
                    out of this fall

                    what is wanted
                    what is needed
                    blur to frustration,
                    deep yearning aches;
                    we get so little
                    and attain less,
                    we achieve nothing
                    and are left with void

                    no matter how we strive
                    we are failing
                    no matter how much work
                    we build naught
                    no matter what the prayer
                    we are cursed
                    damned to destruction
                    cast down to doom

                             - Brendan Tripp

                    Copyright © 2001 by Brendan Tripp

visit my home page