June 13th, 2001


"You've heard all the heavy bands, now get ready for Morning Maniac Music ... yeah ..."

Tomorrow is that interview. I have a practice session with the career counsellor today. I need to get a lot pulled together before then. I also would like to get another couple of hours of sleep. I am very tired. I really need to REALLY sleep tonight. I am very nervous about this. We do rather DESPERATELY need this gig ... and of all the gigs that I have sent resumes off to, this one looks like the best fit for me. (sigh) I have NEVER had a successful job search. Every time I've been in this mode I have gotten nowhere, only to have been channeled off in some other direction at the last minute. I don't know "how it works" ... I don't have a working model. GODS! HOW I HATE THE "NORMAL WORLD"! How do people live like this? Is this why "normal people" watch so much TV? Do they have to shut down what little bits of their brains that function to be able to deal with the soul-crushing inanity of it all? Shit ... what building to *I* have to blow up to get out of this?

                    THESE EMPTY HOURS, VOID

                    stolen structures
                    moments in between
                    we can not schedule
                    yet leverage
                    pressing at cracks
                    in the too full day
                    just enough
                    to wedge intent

                    we are exhausted
                    more by the weight
                    of things undone
                    than by exertions
                    spent on completion
                    we stand at the edge
                    of maelstrom time
                    and teeter at the spin

                    no possibilities
                    entrain within
                    the flow of hours
                    we are vector-borne
                    dragged by demand
                    from act to act
                    task to task
                    without relieving pause

                    perhaps we live
                    more than the rest
                    perhaps our striving
                    cedes to us this
                    that the madness
                    the manic rush
                    and unrelenting drive
                    expands the scope of life

                    but yet we ache
                    for simple joys
                    for peace and comfort
                    and that elusive sense
                    of some succeeding
                    to hold achievement
                    and feel its warmth
                    and benefit from our toil

                             - Brendan Tripp

                    Copyright © 2001 by Brendan Tripp

visit my home page


Job Interview Tomorrow ...

Well ... it's here. Tomorrow morning I have to get up early, get my self looking all corporate and respectable in suit and tie and all, then take the subway pretty damn near out to O'Hare for a JOB INTERVIEW at 10:00. I am fucking PETRIFIED.

Spent most of the day yesterday and today doing last minute coaching with the Career Counsellor ... typing up answers to "blank stare" sorts of questions and rehearsing a 1-2 minute "tell us about yourself" answer. The C.C. thinks I'll do great. I'm a nervous wreck. Actually, I probably wouldn't have been able to get any of this done if it wasn't for Calmplex•2000® ... which is a homeopathic remedy from RSI that I don't use very often (due to being constantly in a state of sleep-dep, I don't need anything that will encourage sleep), but it is BRILLIANT for calming me down. I will definately need at least one of these in the morning!

One pretty good thing happened today. It wasn't "all good" since it was an e-mail telling me that another group that was looking at my resume had filled their position with somebody who would be able to "hit the ground running" in that job, but also telling me that they were quite impressed with my resume and they might well have another position (due to rapid expansion in their company) in the near future. So, even if tomorrow goes badly, I have a good "maybe" to emotionally fall back on.

I just hope that tomorrow goes well. It's not a "dream job" by any stretch, but it's a "good fit" for me and the dollars are almost where we need to have them (it's still likely to pay just over half what I was earning in 1993, but after 8 years of ZERO income, I can't hardly bitch about something which at least comes near what I would be looking for), especially when The Wife starts bringing in some $$$ with her new thing.

Anyway, if anybody can spare some white light, strange voodoo, prayer, etc. for me to get offered this position tomorrow (at the high end of the salary range!), I'd be much obliged at you sending it my way!

visit my home page