June 24th, 2001


Depressed ...

Man ... I don't know what it is ... sometimes I think it is being out in direct sunlight ... can you get Vitamin D toxicity from being out in the sun if you're typically never out in the sun? It seems like every time I'm exposed to sunlgiht for more than a few minutes, I get WIPED OUT and need to lie down for hours afterwards ... which makes me think that my system has gotten used to processing the Vitamin D it needs from the minimal light exposure that habitually get, and that when I'm exposed to sunlight for long periods of time it starts to make HUGE amounts of this, which then makes me feel crappy, and I have to lie down until it's been processed? I mean, it sounds stupid, but that's my working theory, since nearly every time I'm out in sunlight for any substantial amount of time, I get tired, cranky, weak, and slightly nauseated, and desperately wanting to sleep.

Anyway, got up after about 4 hours of sleep this morning and The Wife (whose birthday weekend it is) indicated she'd like it if I took Daughter #1 in to her swim class, so I said OK. Dealt with swimming and did some b-day shopping with #1 after class. We then met up with The Wife and Daughter #2 back at the Museum of Contemporary Art for more of the Solstice celebration (see last post). We did some "crafts" things then went to get some food ... Daughter #1 wanted to eat at the Museum (they were doing pizza, burgers, and hot dogs) but the rest of us wanted something more interesting ... we got #1 a piece of pizza there to placate her (she's gotten into a phase of bursting into tears if she doesn't get her way ... no matter how damn trivial the specifics are) and then picked up some sandwiches and stuff at FoodLife at the WaterTower and sat outside the musuem on the plaza for a picnic.

We then watched some dance stuff, then went out back to do some more "crafts" stuff and listen to the a band. Most of the kids activities got over at 3pm, which was when the "Puppetropolis" thing was starting out front again. We did that for a while and then got our act together to take Daughter #2 up to the hospital to have the stitches out. Dealt with that ... had dinner at the McD's in the hospital, came home and I crashed. Got up still feeling like shit ... but not so much physically as emotionally. Damn sense of impending doom (damned more the reality of impending doom). Bleh. Sunlight. Hope I feel better tomorrow.

Anyway, wrote this today while I was waiting on #1 to get done wtih swim class ...

                    NOT THE BEING YET THE ZONE

                    unsteady time
                    slipping across schedule
                    dropping into doubt
                    what should be is not
                    what unfolds
                    is unhinged from dreams
                    over-laid with disbelief
                    and the structure of our fears

                    we sojourn into strangeness
                    set amid the crowds
                    framed in the familiar
                    yet not connected
                    standing alien from the real
                    as though in sleep
                    like the looming mass
                    hidden behind rote

                    all our searching
                    remains within
                    the standard function
                    mounted amidst habit
                    yet allowing tendrils
                    of foreign systems
                    to weave into perception
                    and change the shape of need

                    everything we have
                    floats fragile
                    bubbles made of glass
                    drifting on a haze
                    of unsure hours
                    plans undone
                    and intents broken
                    into fragments of despair

                    pressing at the barriers
                    of the unyielding curse
                    we seek that sacbe hidden
                    in the jungle undergrowth
                    which leads onward to the temple
                    that none have ever known
                    yet feeds our vision
                    and drives our quest

                             - Brendan Tripp

                    Copyright © 2001 by Brendan Tripp

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More insanity ...

Ahhhh ... this is just getting to be too much! Tomorrow is The Wife's birthday ... and we were going to go out to dinner tonight to celebrate that AND our anniversary (which was back in December, but things got screwed up then and we haven't been able to re-schedule going out since then!). We were going to have one of Daughter #1's old teachers sit with The Girls tonight, but in preparation for that, The Wife was on a cleaning rampage. I ducked out to do some last-minute B-Day shopping (cards, wrap, ribbons, a couple of more gifties) and was gone for a couple of hours. When I got in the door I hear #1 loudly announcing that Daughter #2 had re-opened the cut on her eyebrow and was bleeding all over the place again.

Now, we had the cut stiched up on Tuesday and they told us to come in last night to have the stitches out ... obviously, that was NOT long enough for this to heal. So, here we were, 3 hours out from our dinner reservation, with a 16-month-old with a 1" cut haning open. So, it's call to cancel the sitter, call to cancel the reservation, and call up to the hospital.

It took the doctor we spoke to about 2 hours to get back to us ... she was wanting to get with their plastic surgery department ... oddly enough they say to just let it go for now ... keep it clean, add a little neosporin, and keep it covered when she's active ... and that we should call tomorrow morning to get an appointment (which she already was able to tell us wouldn't be until Wednesday) with the plastic surgery docs. (sigh) Not only do we have the baby with a hole in her face for at least two days, this is really messing up The Wife's birthday (which was going to be sort of crappy anyway, due to our current financial state).

I've done everything that I could possibly do around this, how come I still feel like a big piece of worthless crap?

Come to think of it ... I wonder how much all this hospital shit is going to cost and where the hell we're going to get the money to pay for it.

Oh, and as if this all wasn't enough ... Daughter #1 threw an absolute FIT (an hour of intense crying ... threats that she was going to run away from home forever ... the whole nine yards) just because we had to cancel the sitter ... she was trying to suggest that we keep the sitter (at $10-$15/hour) for her and take Daughter #2 up to the hospital ... and would only get more upset if we tried to "reason" with her! Some days I'm very sorry that I quit drinking.

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