May 12th, 2004

Loon

Poems? POEMS??? You can't be SERIOUS!

Why, yes I am! I was having one of "those days" today, when I didn't seem to be able to get myself to do anything that I really needed to do, but wanted to get SOMETHING done, so I sat down and transcribed the poems (from my little bitty notebook with tiny illegible scrawl) for February and March of '03 ... back in October I'd gotten the poems I'd written later in the year done (why I didn't start at the front of the notebook, I don't know), but this almost has me caught up for that notebook. Now, I have another notebook sitting here at my desk with another 47 poems (from mid-October '02 through January '03) which need to be wrangled from Btrippian heiroglyphics and into English, but I can only work on so many at a go!

For those of you coming in late ... I used to write A LOT ... a lot A LOT ... regularly clocking in at 250 poems a year. Somewhere along the line, however, I got into a deep rut, where I was pretty much writing the same damn depressing doom poem over and over. I mean, it was OK for Picasso to get into a "blue period", but this was setting up a NLP-like feedback loop for me, so I took the conscious step of quitting writing for quite a while. While I still occasionally wrote, there were several years where I put down less than a couple of dozen poems. I tried to start up writing again a few years ago, but found (much to my dismay) that my poems pretty much picked up exactly where I'd left them off ... the same images, the same words, the same sense of abject abysmal failure and loss. Needless to say, this was NOT what I was hoping for.

One thing that I've noticed is that I write more when I have a set schedule to fit "poem writing time" into. As such, I wrote quite a bit more back when I was taking that I.T. degree at Chubb, despite being under huge time constaints due to the gruelling nature of the program I was in ... I would typically start the day's poem on the bus going there, continue it during a potty/lunch break, and finish it up on the bus home! However, since I graduated (back in Feb '03), I've been in a miasma of unfocused days/nights, so the writing has dropped way back again. Anyway, here are EIGHT "new" poems, for your "reading enjoyment".

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Ah, I see I will have to split this into multiple posts ... so many space codes ... so little per-post character counts! These three are from Feb '03, and we'll see if we can get the March ones into the next post!


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Loon

Oh, my GAWD! Not MORE of this CRAP!???

A-yep, a big 10-4 on that, good buddies! I figured that since I had pretty much "cleaned up" my current notebook (in terms of having transcibed the old stuff that was in there), that I might as well finish up what was left (another five poems written over the past six months ... bleh, I miss writing!). These are as follows:

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Well, I guess this proves that I've not "been dealing with my Mother's death via art", as only the middle of these was writting spefically addressing that. I suspect that the extreme paucity of my writing so far in 2004 is, in large part, about not wanting to "go inside" and hit that hurt again. After all, I was breaking down crying on a daily basis for months, and trying to write "from there" would be a very hard thing indeed. Oh well ... now I just need to get that other notebook done and I'll be "caught up" on the current-era poems!

{edit}
Wow ... speaking of "lean years", from mid-February 2003 to mid-February 2004 I only wrote ten poems! Now, there are a bunch from January 2003 (when I was still at Chubb) that I haven't transcribed yet, but that's amazingly little out-put for me. Bleh ... new fuel for my self-loathing!


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Lego

AIIIIIIEE ....THE MADNESS!!!!!



Need to bone up on your Lovecraft? Need to delve into the details of the Cthulhu mythos? Well, this is the search engine for you!

Frankly, I was disappointed that my first half dozen searches turned up nothing (there is no "fuzzy logic" here, it just didn't recognize "Kadeth" as a misspelling of "Kadath", and it obviously is not generally searching the web, just, I assume, "mythos" sites), but once I started to plug in non-specific search terms like "unknown" or "lord" or "sleep", it started churning out some interesting (albeit madness-producing, no doubt) links!


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Move

Bleh ... hot again!

I don't know what's up ... it's warm again today, but the a/c does not appear to be working! The thermostats seem to be on a/c mode (i.e. they kick in the blower when you turn it to "cooler"), but the apartment is muggy, so I don't think there's much "cold" involved in the air that's coming out. At least it's not as bad as the other day ... it's only 82°, but after geting it down to 72° yesterday, this feels pretty icky.

{edit}
Well, at pretty much the stroke of 6:30pm the airconditioning suddenly sprung to life ... I guess there was some problem with it that they had to work on today. Hopefully this will be the end of hot muggy indoor weather for this summer!


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Fury

First heat, now noise ...

OK ... I may have to scrap my "useful activity" plans for my office (I have three specific things that I really do want to get done), but for some reason it sounds like the Elves from the "Elves and the Shoemaker" story have taken up residence in the unit above me and are trying, with their little hammers, to engrave something on the marble floors up there (yes, I've been up there before, and they have nice black marble floors). I can't figure out what's going on ... the sound is a bit more definitive than, say, dropping a bag of marbles, but thre are at least three or four separate tapping patterns which come and go ... 30 seconds of silence and then a minute of frenetic tapping, then silence again, then more tapping! The only thing I can think of is that one of the kids is home from college and has some friends over and they're playing some sort of game (I'm thinking of Hungry Hippos that my kids have ... but probably, due to the age difference, involving a bong somehow) while lying around on the floor!

Arrrgh ... there has been so much construction going on around us that you would think that I could tune it out (heck, I can usually tune it out when the kid directly over me is killing time dribbling a basketball!), but the "waves" of "little hammers" is like Chinese water torture ... you tense up during the silences just waiting for the next flurry of tapping. Man, this sucks!


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