June 13th, 2006

YouSuck!

some days I just want to slap the Internet upside its fucking head ...

I've been trying to find some basic biographical information on food writer James Villas (as will become evident in the next day or so, I've been reading one of his books), but there's no Wikipedia entry on him, and all the damn Google searches come up with fucking TRAVEL ads for various villas! I wish there were some easy way to filter out all the "commercial crap" that ends up coming up every time you search on something that is specific in your usage, but has a more general version.


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Sad

Wow ...

James Villas' agent's office is just a block or so down the street from where we lived when I was a little kid in New York City ... this is just turning me inside-out with bittersweet memories. I pulled up Google maps and did the satellite thing, and saw the building I used to live in when I was 3-9 years old, and started to remember stuff from that neighborhood (79th St. between 1st and York ... his agent's office is between 2nd and 3rd).

It is amazing to me that I have almost NO memories that are not "anguished" in some way. In the last poem I posted I ask "when was the breaking?" and it must have been very early on. I sometimes wonder if all my psychological "issues" date back to my Father's death when I was 2 years old. Anything that is "gone" from my life (be it stuff that used to be in my neighborhood 40 years ago or stuff I might have lost last week) twists up my gut with a real visceral sense of loss.

As usual, "sucks to be me", I guess.


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