July 10th, 2006

Doom

Huh? NINE poems???

Yes, you read that right ... buried in his post are 9 poems from October of 2002. I usually, if "I am writing", carry around one of these little notebooks that I put together just for jotting down poems ...



Anyway, I had one of these sitting around on my desk that I'd filled up back in 2002 which I'd never quite gotten around to typing up. As you could guess from the above, there is a lot of "deciphering" involved in getting these from my hieroglyphic scratches into the computer, so this tends to be a bit of a pain when I do get to working on them ... but I was desperately looking for something "useful" to do last night, so got 9 of them typed up before burning out on it (that's about 1/5 of the notebook done).

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... that's one ...

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... that's two ...

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... that's three ...

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... that's four ...

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... that's five ...

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... that's six ...

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... that's seven ...

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... that's eight ...

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... and that's nine! Aren't you all the lucky ones?

(sigh) Even though I wrote these the better part of four years ago, the really sad thing is that I could have written them last month, or a decade or more back. The themes have not changed, the realities behind my experiences have not improved, and my perception that life is nothing but a painful plummet down towards doom has never encountered the slightest shred of contrary data. I really wish things could get better ... but to even hope that they might (except in a vague "I could still win the Lottery" sort of way) seems to be an attempt to dupe myself in the most egregious and cynical manner. Again, I wish things were better, I wish something I attempted didn't end up as a huge fucking failure, I wish there was something positive that would filter into my emotional reality ... but that's pretty much like wishing for cotton-candy clouds and friendly unicorns that shit gold.

Bleh. Sucks to be me. Hope you like reading about it.


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Loon

Oh, and SIX more poems ...

OK, I typed up a few more pages out of that notebook ... here are another six poems ...

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... that's ten ...

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... that's eleven ...

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... that's twelve ...

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... that's thirteen ...

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... that's fourteen ...

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... and that's fifteen! Almost 1/3 through that notebook ... once again, lucky you!

Yes, I do think I'm going to be trying to press though getting the rest of that typed up ... it was bad enough that the untouched notebook sat untranscribed for nearly four years, but it would drive me nuts to have a half-finished project hanging like that, so look for a bunch more of these lovely cheery screeds showing up under an LJ-Cut on your FL in the next few days!


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