BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

2002 sucked shit ...

Yeah, that's a big surprise, right?

I suppose, if one were the sort that tried to put positive spins on stuff (and we all know that's not my style) one could focus on my doing something to change the course of my career death-spiral. Of course, I can't really connect with the positive possibilities ... all I see are the ones where I've wasted a year, a ton of effort, and a huge student loan, to get myself into a fresh cycle of rejection, disdain, and degradation. THAT is the "real" to me.

Mind you, I'm perfectly willing to be surprised by a great job offer somewhere, at a company that I like, doing work that I don't hate, with people that I can stand, and getting paid a decent amount of money ... but I have so damn many emotional scars that ANY of that sounds like insisting that the Blue Fairy is going to show up and turn me into a "real boy" rather than the sack-of-shit speedbag for the mundane world that I feel like these days.

Anyway, I'm flogging out that last poem of the year and trying to stay conscious long enough for the clock to turn over. Whoopie. I'd say that "2003 HAS to be better than 2002", but that's just tempting fate, and if there is one thing that I'm pretty sure I've learned in life it's that things can get MUCH worse than they are at any given point in time, so any "looking forward to" I might be doing at 2003 is wishful at best.

Here's hoping it's not yet another suckfest ...

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