BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,
BTRIPP
btripp

probably TMI ...

I had an "interesting" experience the other day ... a mini-panic attack. Some friends had come by to take me out to lunch to discuss plans for witchschool and brought their car. Now, I spend very little time in cars ... probably less than 15 minutes per week, and that's from when we might need to take a cab to get from point A to point B in a particular time frame. Anyway, after lunch we got back into the car and I suddenly COULD NOT BREATHE ... it was like there was no air at all in there, and no means of escape (of course, it didn't help that there were four bodies in a very small vehicle and that the back seat window cranks were broken). I got the driver to open up her window, which helped a bit, but the psychological feeling of not being able to breathe was still there, and there were a couple of points on the way home that I was tempted to ask if I could walk the rest of the way.

This is really strange for me, as I'm not given to that sort of panic typically. While I do have dream-state paranoias/panics about getting stuck in small confined spaces (I had some dream elements about that just this morning) this has never manifested in "reality" for me (i.e., I got panic-y watching Enterprise the other night when the characters were having to navigate tight cave passages, but I've "gone caving" and had to squeeze myself through little holes "in real life" without any undue stress).

I wonder if the "hovering doom" of my so-far-for-shit job search is starting to fray my psyche in ways that I wasn't expecting. This panic attack came out of nowhere. I'm afraid that the sense of hopelessness that I've been living with day-to-day (unless you count the pointless hope of buying a lottery ticket) is beginning to damage me for the long-term.

Bleh. As I note, this is probably Too Much Information, but it crossed my mind just now (due to reading a post in larathia's journal) and I figured I'd vent.


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