BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,


I am not faring particularly well through all this. I am sad and scared and have all my previous fears and worries amplified. My brother and his family got in on Monday night, and we spent all day the past two days trying to get stuff set up for a memorial service, etc. I still need to finish the programs and some stuff for the church. This morning we went down for a "visitation". My Mom looked real good for an 82-year-old dead lady. I almost wished that we'd had an "open" visitation, as everybody who's seen her (the cop, the funeral director, etc.) said she looked more like she was in her 60's ... which she would have liked. They cut her open this afternoon to get out her pacemaker, and they're creamating her in the morning. I don't like them doing these mean things to my mommy.

As horrible as the past several years have been for me, I've always been "working with a net", which was my Mom ... now that she's gone, I'm so damn alone and exposed, and I feel like any misstep on my part will result in irretrievable disaster. I just feel like curling up in a ball and holdiing my Girls. I wish I wasn't such a huge failure to them, to myself, and to everybody else.

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