BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

in a funk ...

I suspect that this is because I haven't taken my ACF in over a week (I take so many supplements that it takes a good half hour to load up the pill boxes for a week ... and sometimes I just can't find that half hour for days and days and days, so I end up going without my vitamins, etc ... stupid, yes, but typical of my psychological decline) ... I discovered that it was more effective than any of the anti-anxiety meds I'd tried, but I do, obviously, have to take it for it to have any effect! I'd been wanting to go back on the new diet and that's probably been holding me up on re-filling the pill boxes (I have to "manage" them a lot more with the new diet, as pill A will counter pill B and pill B will block pill C, etc., leading to my having as many as nine "supplement occasions" during the day if I'm going to try to both do the diet and my regular pill regimin!).

Anyway, I've been pretty useless this weekend for getting anything done, I've only managed "Mr. Mom" stuff, which I suppose has its place, but not getting any projects knocked down makes me feel like shit ... but feeling like shit is half the problem with getting around to the projects ... so I need to get back on the ACF so I don't feel quite so much like a pile of pointless crap.

I read a thing in not_you's journal that made me sad/depressed ... it was a thing about her connecting with her "inner 8 year old". I can't even imagine getting around the stress, angst, fears, tension, etc. in my life to get back to my inner 8-year-old ... the best I can manage is when I'm doing a lot of reading, which is at least reaching back to my "inner teen-to-20-something", but it doesn't have the sense of freedom she was talking about, since when I read, it's obsession-driven, goal-oriented, and constantly self-judgemental ... but at least it produces "read" books on the shelf ... and there are so damned few things that I can count as "successes" in my life that finishing a book is about what I have to settle for.

Yeah, sucks to be me.

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