You know, it's really pretty fucking pitiful what throws me into downward spirals of depression ... and it's almost predictable. I've been so "without hope" for so damn long that the ONLY thing which seems to offer a life-line of the merest glimmer of hope is the stupid MegaMillions Lotto. As long as it keeps rolling over (it was up to $105 million this past weekend) and as long as I have one ticket (to "keep the probability envelope open"), I figure I have a chance. Then, when somebody else wins the jackpot, I'm devastated. Devastated. It would be NICE to not have such a desperate and pointless source of hope in my life. But, unfortunately, everything else is so "deeper into darkness" that the fucking lottery is just about the only hope I can find. Bleh.