Man, this week has been a bitch ... I've been showing classic "clinical depression" signs, and haven't been able to get SHIT done. I've had the same half dozen "highest priority" things on my "to-do" list since last Friday and none of them have budged (although I have gotten some lesser priority things crossed off the list). Typical is what I'm doing now ... yes, I wrote a poem a couple of days ago ... and, yes, I "need" to get these typed up, formatted, filed, etc. eventually, but stuff like this (which has a pretty well-defined "effort window") keeps getting in front of the important stuff which is neurosis-linked and potentially somewhat open-ended. Hell, playing MSN's Bejeweled keeps getting prioritized in front of everything else (rationale on that: if I'm stuck in a panic attack, it's better to "go off somewhere safe", like in a game, than rip up my psyche). Bleh. I want to win the lottery ... I want to get hired by somebody ... I want to not feel so damned freaked out all the time! Oh, hell ... just shoot me now.
Anyway, for your "enjoyment" ... here's the latest scream in the dark:
THIS CLINGING NET OF PAIN
1 madness, terror, kingdom of lies, we are blinded by these untruths, made dull from pulses of incessant drums heralding the nightmare, opening the dark 2 cycles, recursive, patterns with a point hidden, arcane; we can not touch the web of names, the matrix of occurrence which twists us in and out of sense 3 there is no shelter, no refuge; all dreams are murdered by the mundane, all we have bleeds off into pools of sorrow and the dried caked gore of massed regrets 4 into gravities, the endless pit, all roads lead down, cruelly mocking that at this point we are higher than any state we may attain in free-fall on below 5 all knives and edges, all cudgel weights; every face assaults, every voice assails, every motion injures in this danced destruction, this crushing whirl of panic, this clinging net of pain