BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

Sort of lost ...

I have so many "balls up in the air" these days, the now-desperate search for employment (we might be able to squeeze 3 months of survival out of the few remaining reserves before having to do something drastic like take a mortgage on the house), plus trying to coax Eschaton into a "self-maintaining" mode, plus getting ready for the big Unicity Network launch next month (including updating that web site), plus "re-education" projects that I'm working on, plus organization stuff like the Libertarian Party and the U.U. church (another big web project), plus the various projects upcoming with Telepathic Media. Unfortunately, I've gotten in a space where I am just not functioning. I stare at instruction sheets (needing to replace the CD-ROM drive in my computer) for hours and not being able to "pull the trigger" on getting inside the machine, and similar "blockages" all across the board. I do have some resumes out for things which look promising, but I have a hard time building up any real enthusiasm, since I've seen so many similar "promising" things evaporate in my hands before. Anyway, I guess the one good thing coming from this is more poetry. Lucky you.

                    AT CATACLYSM'S VERGE

                    on the edge
                    of the abyss
                    we stand dumbfounded
                    not believing
                    as options fade to mist,
                    as hopes dissolve to void,
                    and prayers are mocked
                    in derisive echoes

                    all these many roads
                    lead to this precipice
                    the last toe-hold on the real
                    before the plummet
                    into madness and despair,
                    into loss and anguish,
                    and debased states
                    which make one plead for death

                    nothing we have built
                    stands yet in this day
                    nothing we have learned
                    means anything right here
                    we have failed
                    at every test
                    we have fallen
                    to direr zones

                    so long we've felt
                    that one true path
                    would open at the last
                    a culmination
                    of every act
                    all sincere striving
                    all truths revealed;
                    but where is it?

                    only emptiness
                    stands before me now,
                    only disasters,
                    promises of pain,
                    and fresh-wrought cages
                    rife with razor steel;
                    all tomorrows melt away
                    into a fetid churning Hell

                             - Brendan Tripp

                    Copyright © 2001 by Brendan Tripp

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