Oh, boy ... got more resumes into the mail today ... have an appointment with the Career Counsellor tomorrow to coach me on this interview next week and give me some pointers.
Things have been so bad for so long, but it really didn't SINK IN until this past month. This was the first month that I had to "scrape" the little bits out of all my various accounts to make up enough money to just cover the bills. It really pisses me off that NOTHING I've tried up till now has panned out. Of course, on an emotional level, I have a sense of being CURSED, since EVERYTHING that I've ever been in a position of "running" has gone down in flames ... so at this point it's like "well, if I'm involved OF COURSE it's going to fail!".
Ed is still trying to figure out what went wrong with the Sacred Sexuality Conference. Now, the trouble we had with the licensing, police, etc., all were products of weak up-front sales. We had pretty much counted on the conference selling out WAY in advance. Hell, why SHOULDN'T it have? Here we were presenting a very "edgy", content-filled, lewd, licentious, etc. 3-day program for only $50.00 ... we could EASILY have been charging $250.00 ... and yet (as I have bitched about in other posts) none of the "likely local audiences" responded. Although, I'm painfully aware of the twisted "Pagan Poverty Consciousness" which says that if it's not free it's a scam ... I was not prepared to be hearing outrage from the local S&M/B&D community that anybody would charge a whole $50.00 for an event. I keep wondering if *I* had not been involved this might not have happened.
As far as businesses go, everything I touch turns to shit. The P.R. firm I was with for 15 years closes while I'm in the hospital recuperating from a car crash. My efforts to build up my own meeting planning company, E.P Events never got a single full-time client despite a couple of years making endless pitches and being deeply involved with the local chapter of MPI. Of course the troubles that Eschaton Books has been through has been thrashed out in this space over and over ... we finally did what was demanded of us to get into the major chains (hook up with a full-service distributor) and we're screwed out of 90% of our volume over a 2-year period. As much as I hate to think of closing down Eschaton, I may have to, since, again, I have NO MORE MONEY to put into it, and right now we NEED a fairly sizeable infusion of cash just to keep things going (since the motherfuckers at Access Publishers Network sold through almost ALL of our stock ... while never paying us a god-damned cent ... it's awfully hard to get back on your feet when you need to sell books that you can't afford to re-print!). Hell ... even with RSI ... the few people who do sign up with me NEVER DO ANYTHING ... I see other RSI folks I know making money hand-over-first, signing up dozens of productive people ... but ME? ... the only people I end up working with seem to think that $29.95 sign-up fee is a magic talisman that is going to bring them a huge business without even setting up their own web site (oh, my ... another whole $20!!!), handing out a promotional tape (at 85¢ a piece!), or (heaven forbid!) trying some of the products themselves! Now it looks like I've dragged down Telepathic Media with me too. It really really really feels like a curse. A big nasty killer of a curse.
Anyway ... I didn't start out this looking to have a bitch fest, I just wanted to show off my new icon. Oh well. Hey ... if you would take 5 minutes to listen to something about RSI (which is a company with products and a program that I really believe in ... and I figure "it's just me" that I can't get anybody to take a real look at it) please click on the speaker icon below! Thanks ...