BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

Feeling way too depressed ...

I don't know what exactly triggered it, but I hit one of those rollercoaster drops today. I'd gone down to CTC this afternoon for the Tuesday "peer group", which went so-so (I don't even want to get into what was pissing me off in that) ... then got bummed out about finding that one has a definite time limit on using the CTC (well, hopefully I'll get hired somewhere before that happens, but the discovery had "you're screwed" written all over it). I suppose it's probably due to The Wife planning on "doing the bills" tomorrow, which always gets me feeling like we're doomed with no possible hope.

On the semi bright side, I got a call from the Hotel which had supposedly hired me weeks ago, saying all the drug screens and background checks had come through fine and that there just hadn't been enough function business of late for the catering manager to need to call me in (it's a part-time "on call" bartending gig, and I knew going in that it was only likely to be a couple of days a week). I keep thinking that they should at least have me come in for some sort of orientation, so we don't find me getting called in and not even knowing where I'm supposed to be!

Another possibility on what triggered the current depression was going to my first ToastMasters meeting. I'd been meaning to check out ToastMasters for quite a while (it had been suggested to me for "networking" many times over the years). What bummed me out there was thinking that I was very likely the only unemployed person in the room. Plus, I was pretty likely the oldest there (or second or third oldest), with most of the folks being very focused young professionals with great jobs, good paychecks, decent benefits, and PLANS for their future. Me, I'm just trying to figure a way to keep my family from having to live in cardboard boxes under a bridge. It's amazing how many people "are so impressed with me" and how that never fucking translates into even a job lead. I'm doomed ... doomed! (sigh) Unless I throw myself under a bus tomorrow, I'm likely going to try another ToastMasters group in the neighborhood tomorrow evening ... maybe this one won't make me feel like such a slug (but I wouldn't put a bet on that).

Oh, one other not-bad thing ... one of the gals in the "peer group" was interested in trying to have me work with her with the Hypnotism stuff ... even knowing that I'm just getting started. It will be interesting to actualy have a client!

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