What is your middle name?
What color is your mailbox?
Mailbox? The front of it is brushed bronze, it's one of 660 in the mailroom area.
 What color shirt are you wearing?
 Have you ever hit a deer?
No, but I've yelled real insensitive insults at some.
 Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?
Drive? I've been working from home for the past 13 years.
 Do you get the paper delivered to your house in the morning?
 Who checks the mail in your house?
The Wife ... which means that I end up missing all the cool catalogs and a lot of stuff which isn't really junk mail.
 Do you have a small driveway?
Heh ... see #2 above ... with 660 units there damn well be a HUGE driveway here!
 Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you?
Nope ... I have the bass (& gong) intro to AC/DC's Hell's Bells.
 What do you do first in the morning?
Take a leak ... open up a Diet Coke ... grab the Tribune ... read about da Bears.
 What brand is your printer?
 Do you enjoy fighting with people?
No ... every instinct I have is to kill an opponent as expeditiously as possible ... which in this fucking P.C. world means I have to back away and be all wimpy in any physical confrontation.
 Is your hair naturally straight or curly?
Curly ... given any humidity it's uncontrollable.
 Who was your kindergarten teacher(s)?
Oh, let's see ... LIKE I CAN FUCKING REMEMBER THAT FROM FORTY-FIVE YEARS AGO?
 Are you taller than your mother?
 Do you have a favorite word?
Recently it's run towards "motherfuckingshit".
 Are you God?
No, but I play one on my inner TV!
 What do you do to get over a broken heart?
Nothing ... I save each heartache in a charred out hollow in my soul from whence they fuel my rage.
 Do you have a deep, dark secret?
Nope ... I've had a LiveJournal for over six years now, so I've pretty much spilled all the beans at this point!
 Do you enjoy writing in colored pens?
I am horrified that this would be something anybody would particularly "enjoy".
 Does anything hurt on your body right now?
What doesn't hurt? I've burned the candle at both ends and been a total maniac for nearly 50 years ... ain't nuthin' that's still under warranty!
 Do you often cry during a movie?
Yes, and it freaks my kids out. It's one of the reasons I don't like movies or much TV ... I hate having my emotions played with.
 Do you hate your life?
I love my home, my family, my neighborhood, etc. ... but I haven't had a real paycheck since 1993. Got a lot of attitude built up over that, lemme tell ya.
 Do you get mad easily?
I have one of those "busted gauges" ... I'm calm and I'm calm and I'm calm and I'm calm and BAM! I'm psycho. It's either "nice, understanding guy" or full-on "bloodlust/Tourettes" with me.
 Do you drink?
I used to. Heck, when I was a P.R. executive I got up to about a litre of gin a day. Haven't had a drink in over 21 years, though ... which means my sobriety is old enough to drink!
 What is your biggest pet peeve?
The motherfucking spam assholes who use MY domains to spoof their fucking "from" fields (thus filling up my inbox with nasty "bounce" messages) ... they need to die slow and painful deaths!
 What is your away message?
I don't do IM's if that's what you're asking (I initially quoted my answering machine message here, but then realized that wasn't what we being referred to ... I'm such a fucking geezer!).
 Do any of your friends have kids?
What are these "friends" things you speak of?
 Who should pay on the first date?
The guy gets stuck with it ... it's like asking where the 50-yard line should be placed ... it's just the way things are.
 How many years older than you are you willing to date?
When I was in my 20's I was seeing a saloon singer who was about 20 years my senior ... I'm a sucker for the crazy ones.
 Do you have any friends?
Not really ... I used to, but The Wife didn't like any of them, so over the years it's dwindled down to just "the pixel people".
 Do you have any mean friends?
 What is the ugliest color in your opinion?
Dunno ... but I could venture a guess at what is one of the stupidest questions!
 Have you ever liked someone who all your friends couldn't stand?
Heh ... I had some crazy GFs that scared my buddies!
 Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff?
It's a very good thing that I don't have to operate a car.
 Have you ever been fired from a job?
Nope ... most of my jobs have dissolved under me.
 In what year was your first love?
Define "first love".
 Do you have a cell?
Several billion of them, I assume. Oh, you mean phone ... given that I answered #9 above, I guess the answer would be "yes". Idiot!
 What brand are the pant/jeans you're wearing right now?
I'm not wearing pants ... to quote a congressbum: "does that make you horney?".
 How tall are you?
 What is the closest green object?
A dinosaur sticker one of my kids put on my monitor.
 What is on your feet?
 Do you like watermelon?
You're really asking if I want to fuck a watermelon, aren't you ... PERV!
 Do you want to have kids?
Got two ... they're delightful.
 What is the brightest color you're wearing right now?
Khaki ... do people frequently get all dressed up to do on-line quizzes?
 Who is the friend you have that you would never expect?
Huh? Form English sentences much, skippy?
 Stupidest movie you ever saw?
I try very hard to not watch any stupid movies ... probably something by Nickelodeon.
 Do you collect comic books?
Back in the late 60's and early-to-mid 70's I did.
 Do you like your dad?
He died when I was 2 ... I understand we were very close, but I have no clear memories of him.
 Do you have any TV shows on DVD?
No ... but I have an extensive library of old Dr. Who episodes taped off the air.
 Are you wearing makeup?
May I belt-sand your face?
 Do you have a tattoo?
Nope ... never had anything be "meaningful" to me long enough to want to have it be permanently etched into my hide.
 Have you ever been happily in love?
Depends on how you define "happily" ... most of my love-life has involved having my heart ripped out, stomped into the fucking gravel and shoved back into my chest (see #19 above).
 If you won the lottery you would _______?
That depends on how big the prize was ... a million bucks doesn't buy much these days ... come up with a hundred million and I'll tell you how I'd spend it.
 Do you know how to draw?
Yeah, but I'm better in a sniper post. OH! ... wait ... you mean art ... I'm OK, but not "a natural".
 Whom is your hero?
Growing up it was William F. Buckley ... then for a while G. Gordon Liddy ... these days I'm too damn cynical to have any heroes.
 Whom did you last IM?
See #29 above ... I don't fucking do IM's!
 Do you work a lot of hours?
When I had my publishing company, I worked 14 hours a day 7 days a week ... I'm looking for a job that will demand a bit less of me.
 What do you do when you are stressed out?
Have lurid fantasies of murder & mayhem.
 Who was the last person that called you?
The motherfucking slimebag assholes from Citibank ... dammit! I was doing this fucking quiz to calm down from that!
 Is there anything you regret?
I missed out on a lot of stuff over the years, some of it I'm really fucking angry about.
 Do you know where your family name originated from?
It's British, but it might initially have been Dutch prior to about 1400.
 Is there an animal that creeps you out?
Humans ... there is no depravity that they won't stoop to!
Wasn't that fun. I'm in no better mood, but at least I didn't dropkick the monitor across my office or anything.