BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,
BTRIPP
btripp

Depressed and aimless ...

Wow ... that wasn't any fun.

With no specific "trigger", I had a really abysmal day ... from a full-on tourettes-esque screaming fit in the middle of a busy sidewalk to a swing into "figure out ways to kill myself off" depression into feeling totally hopeless and useless and pointless.

I think I may be "starting early" on the negative reaction to not getting the publishing job. Not that I've heard anything yet, but I tend to slide into emotional reactions suited to worse-case scenarios when I don't know what my status is. Of course I went through this before when it was looking like I wasn't going to be called in for an interview, then had a great interview ... but all the rationalization in the world can't convince my "emotional self" that I might not be doomed.

Days like this I realy miss drinking ... when I drank enough I didn't have to feel anything.


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