(sigh)

These days are so frustrating I am constantly applying myself to various things, but when it's all over, I haven't seemed to have gotten anything done. For example ... I've had three resumes that I've needed to get pulled together with cover letters and stuff and actualy MAILED to the companies ... I got all the FAX ones out on Sunday ... these are still sitting here to be done ... WHY IS IT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR ME TO LOAD THE LETTERHEAD INTO THE PRINTER? I have no problem printing out this shit on copy paper to go in the fax, but a rea LETTER freezes me up. It reminds me of a few years ago when I suddenly could NOT sign my name ... I just couldn't do it ... I had to create a whole new signature to go on cover letters since I could NOT sign my "real" signature no matter how hard I tried (but I could on checks ... just not on resume cover letters) ... that took MONTHS to get over. Then there is stupid shit like my American Express card ... I've been "trying to" get that bill paid for two months ... but I can never put together the intent to find the envelope with the actual time to go look for it ... the only charge on that is the annual renewal fee ... but I just can't get myself to "pull the trigger" on it ... which is fucking INSANE.

Anyway ... as soon as I get the new ISP up and running (of course, I wasn't able to do that this week ... but, in my defense, Daughter #1 was off of school Monday-Wednesday, so I wasn't able to get any real work done during the day then) I will be debuting my long-awaited (hey, by ME, at least) poetry site! I have almost finished all the "structure" of the site (which is nearly 400 pages long just in "structure" stuff) and will be plugging in poems as I can. Right now it's no great shakes ... just having last month's poems actually up and linked ... but at least the structure and internal linking WORKS ... so "all I need to do" is to get the 3,000 or so poems I've written since 1970 plugged in. Heh ... "all I need to do" ... heh heh heh hehehehehehehahahahaahaha


                    IN DYING DAYS AND BRUTAL TIMES


                    the chaos filters
                    into days
                    we can not structure
                    any form
                    each hour passes
                    without result
                    weeks descending
                    into ruin

                    times of anguish
                    wax and wane
                    panic drifts
                    along meridians of pain
                    exchanging with hope
                    and paltry dreams
                    of what could be
                    "if only that"

                    older functions
                    arise within
                    unfocused strivings
                    as though these histories
                    were forcing through
                    to leave us something
                    from wasted days
                    and corrupted times

                    deep within
                    we know these tasks
                    are greater than the others,
                    the ones demanded by the world,
                    theirs are illusion
                    theirs are deceit
                    a total waste
                    but brutally insistent

                    we can only press
                    against the wall
                    and seek to leave
                    this little mark
                    for we grow weaker
                    and the world more strong
                    and we fear the darkness
                    is not too far



                             - Brendan Tripp
                                07/06/2001

                    Copyright © 2001 by Brendan Tripp