BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

bleh ... just fucking shoot me, OK?

So much chaos ... we're trying to do a surprise party for my mom for her 80th birthday (which was actually today), with my brother and his family flying in on Saturday. We went over with a cake and some champagne (and a big basket of goodies) to her place today to "officially" do her birthday, and she knows I'm cooking dinner over at our place for her on Saturday. So far so good at keeping the Boston contingent's arrival a secret.

However, The Wife put together this HUGE to-do list for cleaning up the place in preparation for the party here. I was REAL pissed yesterday when she threw out EVERYTHING that I had on two book shelves in the bedroom ... yeah, SOME of the stuff I might never had needed, but SOME of the stuff was things I'd kept FOR A REASON. It drives me NUTS when folks "hide behind" shit like cleaning to stick a fucking knife in my back. If it wasn't SO painfully true, I'd be happier using the Rodney Dangerfield line of "I don't get no respect". Hey, the fact that *I* wanted/needed to keep that stuff means NOTHING in relation to her wanting/needing to get rid of "the clutter" ... I wasn't even offered a "plan B" to put it elsewhere ... it was just GONE ... fait accompli ... I chose to not have a tantrum over it, but you can be DAMN SURE that it's filed in the back of my head for one of those "ethical question" days ... this is going to COST her down the road ... she'll find out that this "your opinion counts for NOTHING" crap cuts both ways!

Anyway ... since my TIME means as little to her as anything else ... I haven't gotten SHIT done all week ... since it is OBVIOUSLY more important for me to be installing new toilet seats than it is for me to get out resumes or maybe do the taxes for Eschaton (oh, until she gets around to asking why they didn't get done ... THEN it's MY FUCKING FAULT they're not done, no matter the little problem to NOT BEING ABLE TO BE IN TWO FUCKING PLACES AT ONCE), or anything else on MY endless "need to get done" list. No ... better that I'm scrubbing the kids' paint stains out of the carpeting all day than being at my desk.

I did get another poem done, though, thanks to Daughter #1's dojo class. Here it is ...

                    WHEN THE MISTS HAVE CLEARED

                    mountains falling
                    crashing into seas
                    cliffs collapse
                    as stones descend
                    the world dissolves
                    but not these walls
                    the outside crumbles
                    but not our prison

                    we spin illusions
                    to fill the blanks
                    tracing out these natures
                    which have no essence
                    projecting out an image
                    twisted from our core
                    that flickers on the blackness
                    to make this seem somewhere

                    sometimes we believe
                    in the facade
                    sometimes we drop off
                    the knowing
                    that we have built this
                    out of isolation
                    out of madness
                    out of a need to be

                    all our pleasures
                    grow from structure
                    beautifully designed
                    in its delusion
                    all our agonies
                    arise within this
                    and from the knowing
                    that all is empty, hollow, void

                    too many paths stretch out
                    but then disappear
                    too many vistas open
                    only to fade
                    and we are left
                    with cold stone walls
                    and binding chain
                    and this damnation

                             - Brendan Tripp

                    Copyright © 2001 by Brendan Tripp

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