BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

Depression ...

Things have been no fun around the Tripp house of late. Both The Wife and I are looking for jobs, but we can't find anything, and this is supposedly a "good " job market. Obviously, the fact that we're "50-ish" is a problem, but still. She's even considering "doing Starbucks" just to get the health insurance. We spend so damn much for insurance that doesn't do anything for us (with real high deductables, it never actually covers anything, and none of the doctors we like are in their plan).

According to The Wife we have about six months before the shit hits the fan again. "Again" in that the shit was hitting the fan back when my Mom died, and we've been living on her insurance (and the sale of her place) since then. We may have to move. The problem is "to where?" and "doing what?". There's no place in Chicago that we'd be paying less per month than we are now for housing, and I've not been seeing any jobs that were just screaming for me in other parts of the city. And, leaving Chicago ... to go where?

This is so depressing. The various coaches that I've worked with at the Career Transitions Center are pretty much out of suggestions. They're all amazed that I haven't found anything yet, but, frankly, I can't even get interviewed (which is why I was so excited about that round of interviews last fall). We don't even really have a "plan B", let alone a "plan C". I mean, it would be one thing if I wasn't finding "the right fit", but I'm not even finding anything at all, despite endless applications filled out and resumes sent.

It seems like I'm either seen as generally over-qualified (having been upper management in previous gigs), or specifically under-qualified (not having experience on specific systems or programs). I have background in five industies, which means that I'm never seen as "the right fit" for somebody looking for a "cookie cutter" slot in a particular area. The "ideal job" is one where they're desperately looking for somebody to wear a bunch of hats, and I'm bringing all that to the table (like that gig that needed publishing, PR, meeting planning, and IT ... too bad that got shot down because I didn't have a medical background), but those jobs are few and far between and impossible to "search" for.

What's worse is that I only rarely see any jobs that excite me ... most of the ones I apply for are ones that I think I'd just be able to stand doing. No amount of analysis has been able to narrow down "what I want to do" beyond an amorphous cloud of various factors, which is damn hard to go chasing after in a world where job searches are based on key-word searches in databases put together by people with no soul. Frankly, of late I've been thinking that I would really like to do group/individual "Metaphysical" counseling, but (as I've noted previously) I can see where I'd like to get (somewhere like "point E") but can't envision realistic developmental steps, point A, point B, point C, etc. I mean, I could spend money on an office space, hang up a shingle (spend a bunch more money on ads) and hope some folks come through the door ... but every realistic scenario that I play out works out at my not covering my costs (by a factor of 10).

Of course, the big complication here is that we have school-age kids. If it were just The Wife and me ... well, we'd probably be divorced, but that's a whole 'nuther subject ... but if we were facing this solo at this point we'd probably just cash out what equity we have and move into an "early retirment" phase, and try to piece stuff together on the sides (ala Starbucks), but with The Girls, we really have to pay attention to where we live (schools, etc. ... and right now we're 1/2 block away from the best Elementary School in the Chicago system), and what sort of envionment they're in.

I've even considered situations where I'd go do bartending far afield (like out at O'Hare airport), or possibly even on cruise lines. I wouldn't be there for The Girls, but I'd be sending home a check. The fact that I've been home all their lives so far makes this stuff very hard to contemplate. I just wish I had something that I could do from home that would make a plausible income, but I'm dead out of ideas there, having researched a dozen things to the point where I'm sure they'd each be a whole hell of a lot of effort for zero return.

Oh, well ... I'm up in the middle of the night and feeling doomed. Figured I'd share.

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