BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

Manic Depression aint the ONLY "frustrating mess" ...

Throw Obsessive-Compulsive in there too (unfortuntately, it won't quite scan as a substitution for the original lyric).

I am actually having to rein in my writing for the rest of the year if I'm going to come up with "and even 4,000" poems for the Big Poem Site for the period up through 2001. This is the problem with throwing in all those haiku scattered through "the empty years".

I wrote 1000 poems in the 11 years 1976-1986 inclusive, I wrote 1,000 poems in the 4 years 1987-1990, I wrote 1,000 poems in the 4 years 1991-1994, and wrote 750 poems in the 3 years 1995-1997 ... so to "tidy things up", I needed to have 250 poems for the period of 1998-2001, given that I had my "writing breakdown" in 1998 (dropping down from the 250-poems-per-year rate I had been doing for the previous 11 years to less than half of that, mostly in the first half of the year), which continued into 1999 and 2000 (when I only wrote a handful of poems, mostly the Haikus from ana's "Under The Bed" projects). When I "went back to writing" this year, I was sort of unsure of my 'target", and didn't really have the data in place until I'd gotten the Big Poem Site up, with all the poems that I was able to uncover from those years (the 1998-2001 period being the only things up there right now) set up. As it turns out, I ended up with a "target" of only 114 poems this year, and I've already written 69, being on a pace for 118 already.

What is frustrating, of course, is that on one hand I've been getting back "into the flow" of writing, and have had a couple of months this year which would have been nearly on-pace for a 200-poem year, and I'd like to be able to build up to at least that level in 2002 (shooting for five years at 200 poems per? ... given the difficulties I've consistently been griping about in here about "finding time to write", I think this might be more realistic than aiming for a return to writing 21 poems a month). However, if I want to have the nice, even 4,000 poems done by the end of 2001, I'll need to "pull back" to just 9 poems a month, which is less than I've written per month since March. whine whine whine, gripe gripe gripe

The problem is, those "nice round numbers" are WAY too important to me ... reminds me of a cartoon in the new issue of the Utne Reader, where somebody is having to write over and over again on the blackboard "I will stop my obsessive-compulsive behavior" and has the thought balloon "ah... it just doesn't get any better than this!"... but it's still a frustration.

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