BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,
BTRIPP
btripp

(sigh)

Been working on several long-term "have meant to get to" projects, which is good, but they were in the "meant to get to" category because they were big, messy, and in some cases complicated, which is creating a time drain which I have been ill-set to accommodate. Of course, there has been the usual "rodent in a wheel" activity cycle of trying to find some job, any job, that (at this point) really isn't going to solve anything, plus the "where can we go? / what can we do?" efforts which seem equally as fruitless, and a whole lot more depressing (even though The Wife has now thrown the net wider to include possible over-seas re-locations).

The problem of not having a job, or much promise of getting a job and the prospect of losing one's home hanging over one's head, is that it never stops ... there is never a real break as there are always more job boards to search, more web sites to plumb, more details to follow up. It's 24/7 (given that it is often hard to sleep with this crap running through one's head, so it's sleep for 2 hours, get up and do something, sleep for 2 hours, get up and do something, etc.) with no relief.

I keep telling The Wife that I wish somebody would hire me just to give me a humane structure to my week! I was getting pretty much ground down under this, so today, when The Wife suggested that we indulge Daughter #2's desire to go bowling (while #1 was off on a playdate with a friend), I didn't fight it, as it was at least something else.

I'm getting better again at bowling, nowhere near where I was before the car crash in '93, but I look less like an animated mannequin on approach, and at least broke 100 all four games (135, 126, 113, and 144 ... The Wife won each game, and even started with 4 strikes on #2), not good but not as embarrassing as it had been in the past. Unfortunately, the most "broken bits" from the car crash are pretty much the key elements in a nice smooth bowling motion, and it has taken a long time to have any level of "flow" in that!

We walked all the way down to Marina City and back, so I got way too much sun and had to crash when we got in ... of course, when I woke up just now, my brain was back into the "time to make the donuts" mode, which is pretty damn depressing. What really sucks is that at this point I can't even think of any distractions, just projects that are slightly less crushing than others. It also didn't help that all of our MegaMillions Lotto tickets kept coming up "Sorry, not a winner." (almost as much fun as getting hundreds of bounced spam saying "Failure Notice"), which might just as well serve as my epitaph.


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