I'm very nervous. I mean, all the signals I've had from the company are positive and all, and we are expecting a huge chunk of venture capital money coming in any day now, but ...
It's just that up to now everything has been so serendipitous ... being in the right place at the right time, all of that ... and, unfortunately, my life so far has not typified that pattern. Rather, what is "usual" for me is to be in a situation where I have high hopes and a lot of excitement and then have something totally unexpected (and, generally speaking, sufficiently bizarre as to not have been "expectable" at all) comes in and fucks everything up, leaving me back at square one, dazed and confused.
So, as excited as I am to be in this position with this group I have a HUGE fear gnawing at me that we're going to sit down today and they're going to offer me that "1X" figure that will be too low for me to be able to take it without us selling our home and moving someplace drastically cheaper to live (which, as regular readers of this space will recall, is still a big question mark ... I don't think I could telecommute to this from Spokane!).
Today should feel like a coronation, but instead it feels like I'm heading for an execution.
I hope I'm wrong. I'm hoping that all that mass of "bad things happening to Brendan that are beyond his control" history can be shunted aside and it won't suck this down. I keep telling myself that every spin of the roulette wheel has no memory ... but somehow on a gut level, I'm still Charlie Brown running to kick the football, and I have a sneaking suspicion that the universe, as Lucy, is going to pull the ball away at the last moment no matter how promising this situation looks.
I hope my gut is wrong. I hope they'll offer at least "2X". I don't even want to think about having to start over on a new job search at this point.
Wish me luck.
Heck, wish me better than luck, whatever that would be.