BTRIPP (btripp) wrote,

Nightmares that never end ...

When I just barely survived that car crash back in 1993, I kept waking up thinking I had had a bad dream about being in a bad crash, but as my senses cleared I found myself all strapped down on a gurney in a hospital ICU with tubes coming out of me all over ... and it was a hideous feeling. The horrible thing that SHOULD have just been a bad dream was all too oppresively real.

I've been feeling exactly the same way of late ... I keep "getting involved" in various things and thinking "gee, what was I upset about?" and then WHAM! the ugly reality of our situation floods back in. No waking up from this nightmare ... no way to fucking escape.

                    THIS HELL, THIS DARKER PLACE

                    too many destructions
                    focused here
                    we are in cross hairs
                    of too many blasts
                    everything we care for
                    is threatened here
                    everything we know
                    is torn out of our grasp

                    we stare at the abyss
                    of loss and the unknown
                    a yawning chasm
                    of fear and anguish
                    which promises decay
                    and unseen fruits of failure
                    the bitter harvest
                    of all these years of pain

                    a darker substance
                    rises within
                    a stronger poison
                    taints the soul
                    as this presents
                    as but the edge
                    of deeper falling
                    lower states

                    we have no faith
                    that drastic change
                    will bring less evil
                    or any good
                    we more believe
                    that what we lose
                    will never be replaced
                    and always cause us ache

                    how much more loss
                    how much more stress
                    how much more pain
                    can be sustained?
                    how long until
                    the balance sheet
                    runs far too red
                    and we must echo it with wrists?

                             - Brendan Tripp

                    Copyright © 2001 by Brendan Tripp

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